Funny how a baby changes things.
We had a visitor the other day. (Actually, we've had visitors every-bloody-day this week. I'm buggered, and the floor is officially sick of being cleaned. Today? No visitors. Peanut was still in her PJs at 11am. But I digress...)
I was a bit nervous about her coming. Her husband used to work with Mr Accident, and I had heard some horror stories. She was, apparently, the ultimate career woman. She had a spreadsheet for everything, a set plan for life, and was as cold as sashimi salmon.
When Mr A last saw them they were newly married and trying for a baby. She was planning on returning to work directly from the labour ward, give or take a week. Mr A and his mates used to tease her husband relentlessly. It was clear who "wore the pants".
And now she was coming to our home. I was worried. I used to do her job. I used to have a spreadsheet for everything. I used to have a plan! But now my world has shrunken to not much more than a irretrievably finger-marked couch, and two little devils who won't eat their eggs. What would we discuss?
Turns out, she's had a baby.
Turns out, she didn't go straight back to work.
Turns out, she's trying for another, and never wants to go back again.
Soul mates!
Well, close enough.
She agonizes over leaving her first born in care, while she works until number two, just like I did. She plan to breastfeed as long past first birthdays, same as me. She even has issues "civilianising" her hair, just like I do!
We had a lovely morning drinking tea and watching our children play.
I hope I see more of her.
I reckon she might like to borrow my apron pattern.
Will she be up for a badge or two......? Good to know the visit didnt end up scary...children change you...I think people show their true colours through their children and how they speak about them...I can (and I know I probably shouldnt) like to talk to people about their kids and make my mind up about what sort of person they are by what they say, and how they say it....the other day I spoke with someone about their only child, how she couldnt wait for her daughter to start school and get out of her hair, and that her daughter yap, yap yaps all the time...( I thought dogs did that)...poor kid, and I immediately thought that this person was awful..she didnt suit an apron at all... :)
ReplyDeleteOh, that's terrible! I hope the kid wasn't within earshot :(
DeleteI have a rule to never ever speak badly of my family. No bagging out Mr A to my friends (which is easy, actually, he's lovely) and no speaking badly about my children. Ever. Although, when Peanut is being particularly THREE I have been known to share a look with Mr A...
That said, Peanut will be starting preschool next year, hopefully five days a week, and I am going to miss her very much. Surely I can just keep her home forever?
oh wow, five days...eek....they have recently changed the laws here for an extra morning of kindy a week...I wont be taking it up...they are also changing from a morning and an afternoon and a full day, to two complete full days...they wont be getting that either!
DeleteYes, I think I am turning into one of 'those' mothers....
The plan is five mornings, so she's ready to transition to school the year after without being too exhausted. Of course, if I homeschool until the end of uni, that wont a problem... ;)
DeleteIt's so good when people one dreads meeting, turn out to be perfectly agreeable and to find common ground and shared experience. It's also good to have visitor-free days to re-group, recover and just 'be'. I'm sure we could all help devise an 'apron test' for all female visitors with a star rating and suitable awards.
ReplyDeleteIt was such a relief to find out she was lovely!
DeleteI just imagined having some kind of front door ceremony, where visitors get presented with an apron, and then during their visit earn or lose stars depending on their world view and level of interesting conversation. I suspect the neighbours would consider me completely potty! Mind you, they probably already do...
Beautiful outcome! :-) sounds like a great like-minded friend!
ReplyDeleteThat's so great it worked out well! Finding someone you have so much in common with, especially unexpectedly, is always so much fun.
ReplyDeleteI must admit I'm curious now about problems with civilianising hair!
Well, when you've spent ten years with your hair slicked back neatly into a bun, with no whispy bits, and a fair whack of gel, you kind of get used to the look. And suddenly wearing your hair down or even in a relaxed pony or plait, is hard! You know everyone else is doing it, but you still feel silly when you see it on your own head. They should have a support group for these kinds of important problems... ;)
Deletehaha my friend, a former ballerina, could join your support group!
DeleteI love when this happens - especially if it turns out they are true kindred spirits:)
ReplyDeleteI also love when life has other plans and nobody, but nobody tells life what to do :D
Oh, I'm always on the look out for kindred spirits! I've found a few here, I reckon :)
DeleteIt's amazing the affect hornones and babies can have on women (although I think that it is more to do with the breastfeeding part and attachement)
ReplyDeleteGlad that you have made another friend.
What a nice surprise. I recently found out how scared my family were that i was pregnant at 23 (happily married & a planned baby) as i showed zero maternal instincts (apart from being a very doting auntie to 12??) Anyway, i just knew i wanted MY babies, so guess what, i took to motherhood like a duck to water (in my families eyes) when i knew i would always be good at it. When i had twins next time around, my mother said i needed a challenge as i made it look too easy the first time (including working full time & breastfeeding until she was 18 months old, plus a husband deployed.) My twins were even easier as they had each other & never cried. No one was surprised when we had our 4th baby in 4 years & he was a dream, we coped beautifully (up to our 3rd deployment by this stage) & it was agreed, at age 29, i was a great mother. Thanks family!!
ReplyDeleteI often wonder if people tell themselves these things (resuming work) as they are scared of what people think rather than how they truly feel, just in case they aren't maternal enough. You just never know until that baby comes along. Some of the born-to-be-mothers go the other way, with the horror of PND or not being able to breastfeed, they learn they actually don't enjoy it at all (happened to my sister, she ended up in therapy) so you just never know & certainly can't judge, even yourself!! Love Posie