Tuesday, June 5, 2012

Panzer ate my everything

Poor Mr Accident returned home to a scene of puppy created devastation. The list of things Pan ruined in his absence had grown by the day.

The most notable probably being the library book she shat on. (Seriously. Who poops on a library book? It was right in the middle of the cover of "The Aussie Nutcracker". Perhaps she is a blossoming literary critic? Or more likely, just sharing her views on castration.) She also made short work of my watch band and several DVDs.

I eat flowers like you for breakfast!

We received a folder of delightfully!!!! over punctuated!!! instructions!!!! from the breed's secretary explaining that all we need to do to prevent her chewing is simply keep everything out of reach, which is very wise advice, but clearly not suited to a family who also includes Bug-the-poltergeist. 

Things are rarely where we left them, and we could deal with that, but now things are rarely-where-we-left-them-and-chewed. That's more challenging. Vale leather watch band. Vale TV remote.  Vale shoe after shoe after shoe.

Also, vale investment hydrangea. I had bought it as table flowers for Bug's first birthday, then planted it out into the courtyard. She was thriving! As happy as a hydrangea could possibly be, sitting with her feet in a bed of high quality potting soil and well aged fertilizer. 

But every good story needs a villain. Enter Pan, stage right, (then left, then right again - she's bouncy.) 

After ripping the new flowers off my winter bulbs, she decided she had room for dessert. And now my hydrangea is just a gnawed twig, poking from the ground like a skeleton hand from the grave where gardening dreams go to die. Well, she would be, except it turns out Pan moonlights as a grave robber. When she was done chewing she dug up the root ball, too.


Mr A returned to a wife who was a wee bit annoyed.

Luckily, he owns both a credit card and a sense of humour. 

Enter the "gift of forgiveness".

Now, Mr A is a thoughtful lad, but thus far he's never been accused of finding the perfect present. In the not-too-distant past I seem to remember receiving an anti-snoring pillow as a pregnancy gift, and a saucepan for a birthday present. Not that I snore. EVER. Ahem.

So what did he come up with this time?

He was very pleased with his choice, it was so hard for him not to let slip what it might be....

Was it a winner?


Flowers in a hanging cage!

They came with an explanatory note, too.

And I tested them against the wiliest flower puller I know.

Success! That's one very safe pot plant.

Aren't they gorgeous? I've loved cyclamen for years, they remind me of the time Mr A and I met up in Rome for a whirlwind week, halfway through our deployments to Iraq and Afghanistan. (You want romance and hand holding? Had it in spades.)

Well done, Mr A - all is forgiven.


  1. How do dogs know which books are library books? When my chocolate lab was a baby he decided to eat a library book.... A library book about labradors...

    .... And power cables

    .... And a photo album of my brother in laws first son being born

    .... And Christmas presents that were in cardboard boxes.

    I'm so glad I'm past the puppy stage.

    My hubby also isn't the best gift giver ever.

    It's usually an appliance at christmas time and a cooking implement at birthdays... He's Mr. practical god love him

    1. Do you think it's the job? I suspect it might be...

    2. He was a crap gift giver before RAN...

      He just likes to give gifts that have 'use'

      One Christmas he gave me an umbrella... Yepp

    3. Was it a pretty umbrella, at least?

      My anti snore pillow wasn't...

    4. Nope... it was dark blue and now lives in the boot of the car... damn good umbrella though

  2. Bwahahhaah....that is truly a brilliant idea - shame I can't do the same with my fruit trees - our punk mutt ate four of them ($200 worth!).
    Husbands really do struggle with the whole gift thing - mine just gave me a pair of socks for our wedding anniversary (wool or copper)...I guess I should be glad it wasn't a length of copper piping.
    We have piles of puppy training books but my mate gave me one that turned out to be the best...."The New Puppy Owner's Manual" by Angela Fitch. I cannot believe it was Panzer who ate the remote!!!

    1. Mr A has booked some people to come and teach him to teach Pan. The training comes with a lifetime guarantee, so hopefully she'll be Lassie from Saturday onwards!

    2. Oh wow! The city lifestyle does have its perks - out here we did get a number of offers to help...by shooting the dog lol Are there any annoying habits you can slip them a fiver to iron out of Mr Accidental? ;P

  3. So the secretary's advice is that if you nail all your belongings to the ceiling Panzer will be unlikely to eat them? How helpful.

    On the other hand, well played, Mr Accident. Well played indeed.

    1. Er, that should be Mr Accidental obviously. Not Mr Accident which is a terrible Yahoo Serious movie. I'm sure Mr Accidental has nothing in common with Yahoo Serious.

    2. I dunno, Mr A's hair goes straight up too! I did actually suggest we attach the tv remotes to the roof on bungy cords, Mr A was all for it. I was joking!

  4. Ah! Panzer is a Boxer! Should have known the first time his ...ahem...activities were mentioned :-D
    Ben-Girl Twelve is now 3 1/2 yrs old, still ripping apart my potplants, herb garden, veggie patch, laundry...you name it. But we love her and Shamila K, despite all. Once a Boxer lover, your done.

    1. Well, strictly speaking she's an Australian Bulldog. It's a relatively new breed. They are trying to breed out the too-large-for-a-natural-birth-head and the ridiculously short snout so they have fewer troubles as a breed. I suspect they crossed a British bulldog with a boxer to make the changes...

  5. They're very cute, and what a clever solution! I imagine Panzer had one heck of a tummy ache after that feast.

    1. I certainly hope so! Dammed dog...mumble mumble....

  6. I'm almost wishing we had a destructive dog now, so I could blame broken things on someone other than myself. And lost things. I miss my camera :(

    1. What? You still haven't found it? I reckon that's a Mini job, by the sound of it...

    2. Considering the amount of trouble she gets in if she touches it, I'm not too sure. And I've checked everywhere she'd be likely to put it. The darn things just vaporised. Luckily it vanished right AFTER I transferred all the photos to the computer....

  7. I love it. Well done Mr A, you chose well. (Now just remember to water them)