I had an epiphany last night.
I've been stressing.
I don't stress often - my job as a mother and a housewife is not exactly taxing. Big day to day decisions include "what's for dinner?" and "is making pink sparkly play dough three times in a row imposing restrictive gender norms on my daughters?". You know, the big stuff.
But I have been mulling over a big question - what to do with the rest of my life? My professional life, obviously. My personal life is going to involve wiping weetbix and school runs for a long time to come, all hopefully with Mr A as my loyal sidekick. (What's that, darling? I'm the sidekick? Surely not...)
Bug hasn't been sleeping well (I think she's been getting a bit cold) and so I haven't, either. And the concerns of my undecided yet impending future have been magnified by my muddled, sleep deprived head. It's been worrying me.
Mr A and I have decided that I will get a paid job once the girls start school. (He's always careful to specify a "paid" job, he values the work I do at home very highly, thank goodness.) This means that I would need to start retraining at the end of this year.
But what to train into? I want more than a job, I want a career. One that fits in with my family while they are young. Something that, once the girls become increasingly independent, I can pour my energy into. Something I can be passionate about, that holds my interest. Something that pays a reliable wage. Something I will love!
I woke this morning after the first solid night's sleep in week. And I woke with a firm knowledge of what I want to do. It was clear in my mind soon as I lifted it off the pillow.
I will be a high school English teacher.
And now I feel a fresh burst of enthusiasm for my future. I love words. I love sharing knowledge. I have enough command presence to manage a class (but I might eat my words when faced with a class of year nine boys.)
The next step? Researching universities.
**EDIT ...or perhaps I'll be a geography teacher... Apparently my mind is not as made up as it could be!**