Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Help wanted

I love my neigbourhood. I feel so lucky to live where I do.

I visited a friend for dinner. It was so impromptu that I wore my ugg boots over there, classy lady that I am (but if you can't wear them to walk around the corner on a cold night, where can you? The privacy of ones own home? Pffft. Just call me trailer trash Betty.)

But it's not the close proximity of my friend's house that got me thinking about the positives of my neighbourhood. It was the fact that the street light was out in the lane that links our houses. This is highly unusual - I live in a Defence enclave and the infrastructure is usually well maintained. As I approached the lane, a women walking unaccompanied, in unsuitable shoes, and with two very young children in tow, I felt a shiver of uncertainty cross my mind.

Was the light out on purpose?

Was it a foolish idea to enter?

I looked at the houses on either side of the lane. Their lights were on, people were home.

But if I needed them, would they come when I called?

I remembered an article written by Sam de Brito about a respectable woman, well known in her neighborhood, who was the victim of a home invasion and ran to her neighbors (in her underwear) to try and summon help. The neighbors (two sets!) turned off the lights and refused to let her in the door.

Would that happen to me?

Then I remembered another story, told to me by a good friend Annie. She and her boyfriend, both Defence members, were walking through a large shop when they heard a commotion a few aisles away. They ran straight over. No hesitation. A man had suffered a heart attack and there was quite a crowd gathering. But no one was helping. Not one person had stepped forwards. Annie's boyfriend pushed through the milling hoards and started resuscitating the fallen man, while Annie called the ambulance and ran crowd control. God knows what would have happened if they hadn't been there that day. Perhaps the inertia of the other indecisive shoppers could have cost a man his life.

And I remembered another time while I was at the pool, and I heard a dad calling for help - his daughter was choking. I found myself running to him well before my brain was in gear. I left my own child to care for his. That shocked me, afterwards.

There are many similar stories among my serving friends, where a swift and decisive reaction to trouble has been ingrained, instinctive.

And I came to a conclusion - that kind of response has either been successfully trained into serving members as a result of their profession, and perhaps also it is the type of career that attracts people with those attributes. I suspect it rubs off on the people around them, too.

So I stepped with confidence down the dark lane, surrounded by Defence houses, comfortable that if I needed help, then help would come.

I love my neighbourhood.

32 comments:

  1. Very well-written piece. Help me with the nomenclature, though, Mrs. Accidental, is "defense neighbhorhood" the same as a military base? Trying to get the full picture. Thanks for the food for thought. :)

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    1. It's a neighbourhood where all the houses are owned by Defence, full of Defence families, and Defence maintain all the infrastructure too.

      I just wish Defence would fix da'fence in the playground. It's been a week already!

      It's not a large base like the US ones - probably 200 houses, max. We still get our own pool, playground and community centre though.

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    2. Thats great! So you guys are a military family, then? Groovy! Thanks for the clarification. :)

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  2. I live in Sydney's inner west. There's so much human congestion here...lots of houses, flats and rows of terrace houses, shops open at late hours, aeroplanes overhead and cars always on the go. Strangely I always feel safe. I figure that if was jogging on my own at night and were to scream, there would be witnesses everywhere. When I stay with my family in regional SA I'm always spooked by the silence!

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    1. But that's the thing that freaks me out - would they actually help? Or would they assume someone else had already called the police and just stand by?

      We're looking at moving to Sydney next, it'll be nice to be back in my old stomping grounds :)

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  3. I enjoyed reading your post! I just don't understand the inertia thing.....I have that helping instinct too, I think it was the way I was bought up. But so many people just don't want to get involved....I was hit by a car while riding a bike once and so very many cars drove past, simply staring at me... until somebody finally helped.

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    1. That's terrible! I hope you weren't there too long, and you weren't too badly injured!

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  4. Good to appreciate the place you live. We're in a 'normal' area, but have really nice people around. We have an informal morning tea a couple of times a year with ladies from the cul-de-sac (which is great because technically we live in the street the cul-de-sac runs off and they still invite me).

    Where in the city would you actually know a dozen people who live in a 300m radius? (even if technically there'd be more households in that distance due to density)

    On the other hand, I'm definitely not trained to react well in unexpected situations, but you never know what you'll do until you have to.

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    1. That morning tea sounds lovely.

      I think the key is to do *something*. Even if you feel it might be inadequate. Quite often seeing someone else at least trying can be the impetus others need to step up and help too.

      I saw a lady being very badly beaten by her partner in central Sydney, at a bus stop, in broad daylight. But it took me, (in a silk dress and high heels!) to call out the guy before anyone else stepped in. Then, thank goodness, I was backed up by a large group of lads walking past... but they would have kept walking, I have no doubt, if someone hadn't made the first move.

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  5. When i did social psychology at Uni i was horrified that people wouldn't help a victim, or even pick up oranges dropped (on purpose to video the reaction) from a little old lady's shopping. What is wrong with people?? I'm the person who stops & helps mums with prams up stairs - try & find a bloke to do that, argh (during all my time pushing 4 children in prams & navigating cities, i would be helped by women ten times more than men) & i refused to ever be one of those people caught on video not helping, apart from the fact i did it long before i went to Uni!! Maybe it is military?? My father was Navy & raised us to be beyond helpful & polite & my husband is military & the same. He left me heavily pregnant with a trolley of groceries for a family of 5.9 to help an old lady carrying bread once, hmmm . . . not quite the scene where you left your child to help another, but instinct, i could cope.
    It does shock me that few people have the immediate reaction instincts to even so much as put someone in the recovery position?? We just bought a new car & my son cut his finger, the car has a first aid kit & has a note saying we should feel compelled to help anyone in need. I had to laugh, when my husband said it, i thought he was saying something about being a soldier, trained in basic first aid & gun shot wound stuff, but it was all over the 'German engineered' first aid bag?? Funniest thing, no bandaids, i could have been far more helpful if he'd broken his arm or had burns, there were dozens of bandages in there!!
    I love where you live, my son went to preschool there, it's beautiful & peaceful, have to admit, the times i've felt the safest have been on bases, especially as we're alone so often!! Love Posie

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    1. That's actually really nice it was written on the bag, hopefully it might make someone (who needed to hear it, not you, obviously!) stop and think, and maybe actually help the next time they had a chance. I'm sure the old lady appreciated the bread carriage. ;)

      I like that living here, when we're alone, we're all alone together!

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  6. PS completely neglected to answer your Canberra Winter chicken question - we have 9 hens in the coop at night, they keep each other warm, plus it's protected from wind & rain, laden with straw, however, they have stopped laying eggs, they are just fattening up to cope with the weather now. The baby chicks are indoors under lights & one 6 week old chicken who fluffs her feathers to keep them cosy. Guess what, we met our ducks today, they are 2 days old & completely bonkers, so speedy. We'll collect them after the wedding this weekend, so excited, their feet & bills are so adorable!! Love Posie

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    1. Ducks! I'm so very jealous. What kind?

      I think I might need to get more hens or perhaps a lamp, but they seem to be going all right so far, no slow in their laying and no frostbite on their extremities. Their house is very snug though, it has at least two tubes of liquid nails and silicone holding it together!

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  7. Interesting thoughts and insights... I question things like this a lot. When with the kids in tow I am always questionable about stopping for suspicious looking events. Do I risk it? I know of someone running to help a "dad" find his lost child (at the zoo) - only to have her very own babe kidnapped as a result of the scam. Horrifying.

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    1. Horrifying is right. Luckily when I ran from my kid, I knew she was in safe hands (hi Kate!) Something to keep in mind, though.

      I have actually pulled back from helping others when I have the kids in tow. There was an altercation in the car park the other day, and instead of jumping in myself, I guilted some other poor man into stepping in instead. Same outcome, I guess? I felt bad about it, a bit like the penguin that pushes from the back of the pack!

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  8. I'm not sure where exactly you live, but if it happens to be Duntroon, I have many fond childhood memories of that place. I was born and raised in Ulladulla, and very close friends of the family (husband and wife) lived there for many years. Their children were our age, and often times we would visit on weekends or stay in the school holidays. This was back in the early 80's, and it was a very safe place then. We would spend hours at the pool, and the small park a few houses away, and there were plenty of other kids to play with. I remember picking BUCKET loads of plums and having a 'plum party' in the backyard, seems everyone had a plum tree in the front yard (overhanging the street of course, which is why we nabbed all the plums) and Larry (who was a ??Staff Sargent, I think) used to send us home with bags full of Army rations...biscuits harder than bricks, sweetened condensed milk straight out of tiny little tubes, oh and the same for vegemite, fruit in army green tins! We loved it! Very happy memories indeed, and a very safe and secure place to be when I was a kid.

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    1. Duntroon is just beautiful. The kids still run riot! It's like a street gang of happy ten year olds, with little brothers and sisters tagging along too. Of course, it helps that everyone knows everyone, and the speed limit is a blistering 20 kph. Thanks for sharing your memories!

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  9. This is so true, some professions just train people into taking charge and helping out. Nursing has been a bit like this for me, mental health nursing particularly. I am so used to being the person who has to Deal With Stuff Happening that I often do it in my real life, too. I like to think I'm not bossy. Just persistently helpful.

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    1. Yes, that's it, "persistently helpful". Can I steal that one?

      I reckon it's a "people in uniform" thing. Except for Chubb. They don't count.

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  10. I would not feel safe at night, in bad shoes, with two children, here. I know from experience, when there have been yelling matches out in the street and we're the only ones who go outside to make sure no-one is being hurt. Then again, everyone comes pouring out of the houses for car crashes, so maybe they just know who the yellers are and ignore them.

    I know when my mother was visiting her family in the US quite a few years ago and a woman had a breakdown on a public phone at the airport, she was the only one who ran over to help. Everyone else just stared. But then, my grandparents were military so maybe it rubbed off on mum.

    On a side note, there are no footpaths here. The two main roads have footpaths, and some of the schools have footpaths out front, but thats it. So uggs are really REALLY impractical. Good thing I live in my docs :D

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    1. Oh, and the article about neighbours not helping? What struck me was the help from unexpected places. Again, same thing happened to my mum, though less extreme. Heavily pregnant, with a 2yr old in a stroller and struggling with groceries, on a busy street, the only people who came to help were a couple of young guys with 'spiked hair, covered in piercings and chains'. She was scared of them, and they were the only people who helped.

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    2. Yep, that's the bit I liked best as well.

      Why no footpaths? Cheapo council. Does Mini have docs too?

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    3. No idea, but it bugs me. Better now mini will walk by herself, pushing a stroller along grass wasn't fun. And she has gumboots. I despair of ever getting her to take them off, but at least her feet stay dry.

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  11. I think it is a nature/nurture combo really. I think people with this disposition are attracted to careers that 'help'. My best mate started out studying to be a psych and when he realised that he couldn't actively help people that way he became a Police officer. He's one of those cops that, even off duty, is always alert to assisting. I remember he took me out to dinner one night and it was mainly me sitting at the table in the restaurant eating bread sticks whilst he sorted out an incident he stopped t help out with whilst driving there. I would have been cross but it was so good to know that people like him are out there.

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    1. Good to know they are out there...


      ...but there is a recurring theme here of people being left in the lurch by the "persistently helpful"!

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  12. I lived at Duntroon for 7 years of my life over three postings and loved the sense of community there. I think both of your 'musings' are probably correct. Firstly, people with a penchent for 'doing something useful' are attracted to an ADF career. Then they are taught 'useful skills', like first aid, people wrangling, conflict dispersal, how to take charge etc. I think that many folks today live their lives through others (notably watching contrived 'reality TV')rather than actually do stuff for themselves. Between that and the tendency to have no actual useful skills when you leave school, I think a lot of people hang back because they feel useless and, anyway, someone else will take over. Sad really.

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    1. Hi! Thanks for commenting. I reckon you are absolutely right about people getting in the mindset of watching life happen in front of them, instead of actually stepping in themselves. An interesting thought!

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  13. I'm not the type of person that would go wandering the streets at night (ugg boots or no), particularly considering I have the worst night-blindness and without appropriate lighting (of which there is none in our town, of course) I run into everything. EVERYTHING. I realised reading this post that I don't know my neighbours, aside from the people who own the cafe because both SJ & I went to school with them. On either side of our house (and behind us too) are vacant blocks. Across the road (a million miles away since the roads are SO WIDE) there are another three homes, but I don't know the people who live there, and it's just dawned on me that that's kind of...creepy. And sad. But moreso creepy.
    ~S.

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    1. I'm can be horribly night blind too, but only for the first five minutes. It takes me a long time to adapt, but then I'm fine. Still, I'm blind long enough for Mr A to play all sorts of tricks on me when I switch off the lights before bed, and fumble my way down the hallway... I scare easily!

      Do you reckon they are sitting on the the other side of the wide road thinking it's creepy they don't know you either? Maybe you should invite them for a tea one time, like the ones Jenny has!

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    2. I'm fairly certain SJ has introduced himself to them so I figure that's probably enough. I'm not the kind to invite strangers over for tea. Besides which, one of the neighbours across the road is a little...odd. Everytime he pulls out of his driveway at a million miles an hour he has to spin the wheels and send pebbles and dirt flying in all directions. I find that really annoying. Also, he has the WORST TASTE IN MUSIC, which he insists on playing full-volume at 3am on random occasions. But it's not the 3am thing that bothers me, it's purely the music, and I have no intentions of having a tea party with someone whose taste in music is so dreadfully AWFUL.
      ~S.

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  14. Well, number one: People in the States wear Ugg boots EVERYWHERE. I even see unfortunate souls in house slippers in the store, but that is just sad.
    Number two: I have no street lights on my street. None at all. And yes, I feel safe walking, and I know all of my neighbors, some are action takers and some aren't. We are just a normal bunch of people who came together on a small little street.

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    1. I've seen your Walmart people ;)

      Where I grew up had no streetlights, but the people were gold. I think it was mainly the strangeness of having a light out (where was expected) that got me thinking.

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